Now We See Who Wears The Trousers!
by Amara Calla
Summary: A bunch of crazy, random, funny -hopefully- stories and drabbles that you should really read if you want to live your life TO THE MAX! Will contain loads of pairings, both canon and wacky made up ones. Tanith is alive and sane! T to be safe. Enjoy!
1. Now We See Who Wears The Trousers

**A/N: Hi! It's me again! I'm still alive! I have (yet again) started on a new fandom... FEAR ME! :D**

**... Anyway, I've been wanting to write a Skulduggery Pleasant story for ages, but I just couldn't get my ideas down onto paper... err, computer? So this chapter is dedicated to Reia Kellyn who encouraged me to write, the product of which was this! =D Love ya!**

**These will most likely be drabbles, although a few, like this one and (probably) the next one, will be connected. Most of them will be written a few years after Mortal Coil, following that, EXCEPT Tanith is still normal because she's one of my favourite characters. There will be pairings of all shapes and sizes, but be warned, I am a Valduggery fan! However, I also like Fletchyrie, to an extent. And without further ado!**

**Disclaimer: I am a something-teen year old girl, what part of that suggests that I am Derek Landy? Huh?

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Valkyrie Cain grabbed Skulduggery's hand and dragged him through the corridors of the Sanctuary as he dug the heels of his (exquisite) Italian shoes into the carpet. "Come _on _Skul! We are going to this meeting, whether you like it or not!"

"But _why?" _He whined childishly. "You know full well how much I dislike Madam Mist!"

"Because," She began pompously, "We are now official Sanctuary Detectives, and it is our duty to acquiesce to our most monotonous tasks, despite the repugnance we hold for them!"

A moment of silence passed.

"Besides, I think I'll enjoy seeing you get scolded for kicking her spider puppy! And Madame Mist is pretty cool once you get talking with her and get her to take of that ridiculous veil. Oh, and you can take your facade off, you're not gonna be able to hide from this!"

He touched his gloved fingers to the tattoos etched onto his collarbones, recently upgraded by China Sorrows to extend to his whole body, and his skin retracted until his skeleton form was visible. "Fine, but I'm telling you, that puppy had sharp fangs! It tried to run off with one of my legs! What else could I have done! By the way, I liked the use of those big words in that sentence, are you sure you know what all of them mean?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Yes, I get that you had to get it off your leg, but I think that she's more, _ahem_, annoyed about the fact that after you had kicked it and it shifted into spider form, you stepped on it before getting into the Bentley and trying to run it over! The poor thing would have been crushed if Madam Mist hadn't been looking out of a window nearby and saw what was happening! And you exacerbate my affront by suggesting I don't know the meanings of these monumentally outstanding words!"

"What, did you swallow a dictionary this morning?"

Unbeknownst to Skulduggery, throughout this whole, most interesting conversation, Valkyrie had been leading him in zig-zags through the Sanctuary and they were now standing in front of an unadorned oak door.

"Shut up! Oh what a most bizarre coincidence! We're here! Get in there."

Valkyrie pushed air at Skulduggery, making him stumble inside the room before she stepped inside and shut the door behind her in one sweeping motion.

"Madam Mist! It's a pleasure to see you again!" Valkyrie exclaimed, breaking the tense silence that had descended upon the room as Skulduggery had entered. The Child of the Spider stood from the chair behind her desk and inclined her veiled head towards Valkyrie. Her black dress swirled around her and the smoky tendrils of grey that were woven through the material seemed to writhe as she moved. Her reply was rather stiff. "It is good to see you too, Valkyrie. I'm afraid I can't say the same for you, Detective Pleasant."

"Well, I'm not so happy to-"

Valkyrie elbowed him in his newly acquired stomach. He shot her a glare as she smirked and leaned back against the wall behind her.

"I mean, you called me here. Is there anything you wish to discuss?"

Mist sat down again and folded her pale hands- the only bit of skin visible- together in her lap. "Yes, as a matter of fact, there _is_ something I want to discuss. As you of all people should know, because you were almost given the position yourself, I am now an Elder. As such, I expect to be treated as one. I expect respect, not to be publicly ridiculed as you-"

Skulduggery interrupted. "Come on now, that's not fair, you know full well-"

"Detective Pleasant! I am talking!"

"And I'm not listening!"

"I will not stand for this!" She said indignantly, almost shouting.

"Would you like a seat then?"

"Mr Pleasant! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted, I was just going to ask you to do me a few tasks to make up for your earlier actions! But if you insist on arguing in such an uncouth way, then I shall be forced to-"

"Forced to _what?_" The detective taunted.

Mist looked through a gap in her veil and winked a pale silvery-grey eye at Valkyrie before replying. "I shall be forced to remove your tutelage of young Miss Cain and transfer her to a more competent and responsible guardian!"

The non-existent blood drained out of his fake face and his eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't..."

"Oh, but I would." Mist replied, sneaking a glimpse of Valkyrie who was trying her very hardest to keep herself from breaking a few ribs in her silent laughter. "I have that power now, you are forgetting who you are talking to! All I have to do is drop a few hints that you are steadily losing your mind and that Miss Cain is in danger being near to you. You may be friends with the Grand Mage and the second Elder, but I have heard that they are also quite fond of Valkyrie. They know how unstable you have been since you returned from the Faceless Ones' world and I am quite sure that they wouldn't hesitate to keep her away from you if it meant keeping her safe, now would they?"

Skulduggery stepped backwards, a look of horror on his face, then bowed his head. "Fine, I apologise..." He muttered.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't catch that." Mist leaned forward in mock expectance.

"I APOLOGISE! Just don't do that, please, I'll do whatever jobs you want me to!"

There was a sudden crash behind them and both Skulduggery and Madam Mist turned in surprise. What they found was Valkyrie who had collapsed on the floor with one arm wrapped around herself, holding her ribs and the other hand covering her mouth as she tried (and failed spectacularly) to hold in her mirth. Taking a look at her, Madame Mist promptly burst out laughing too.

Skulduggery looked between them, bewildered, before comprehension dawned. "You two set this up, didn't you?" They both nodded. He turned to Valkyrie, who was finally getting her composure back. "That was very devious of you. And you're never gonna let me live this down, are you?"

"Nuh uh." She said, shaking her head and waving something red in his face. "I have everything recorded on this so we never forget this moment." She smirked. "And I'm sure that Fletcher, Ghastly and Tanith will love to see this!"

"Ughh!" He groaned. "One last question," He turned to Mist. "Does this mean that there are no jobs that I have to do for you?"

"Oh, there are jobs... And you have already given your consent, which has been recorded, so no excuses!"

Skulduggery Pleasant sighed and looked around himself. "I knew I shouldn't have come to this meeting..."

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**A/N: Sooo... Did ya like it? **

**Y'know what? I think that you should review!**

**...**

**ooo**

**...**

**You know you wanna!**

**... **

**_Please?_**

**_Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo  
_**


	2. Blackmail and The Conspiracy

**A/N: Okay, here is the next chapter! It is linked to the last one, but not hugely... Oh, and I was a little hyper when I wrote this, so don't be surprised if it's completely random... *blush***

**Thanks to Reia, my good friend who reviewed! Thanks! YAY!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: Well, if I told you I owned the Skulduggery Pleasant series, would you believe me? Because it's true! Well... I own a copy of the books... That's close enough, isn't it? No? Damn!

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Valkyrie sat on the sofa in the front room of Gordon's mansion- no, it was officially her house now, since she had moved in a few weeks after her 18th birthday. She wore her nightclothes, a black tank top with red shorts and a red silk dressing gown. Tanith sat next to her wearing a gown that was identical except for the colour, which was black. Underneath she wore a pale pink and black nightie that just reached her knees. They were just about ready to have a super huge, super girly, super... super? sleepover, with all of the things they usually do in films, like makeovers and tearful movie nights and... well, whatever else they do. Thinking about films, Valkyrie looked around and realised that something was missing. This came as quite a surprise because she and Tanith had spent _ages _trying to cover all areas and make sure their night was perfect.

She reached over to the table next to the sofa and picked up a small golden bell that reminded her of the Sea Hag from all those years ago. The only different was, while the bells were similar in looks, when you rang this bell, instead of the delicate tinkle you would expect to hear, it created a loud carrying sound that echoed around the room. It was enchanted. Valkyrie loved this bell. It was reminiscent of herself – small and seemingly fragile on the outside, but when rung, it emitted a strong, confident peal. Anyway, as she rang this bell, Skulduggery walked through the door, causing Tanith to burst out in uncontrollable giggles. Why? Well I'll tell you why. Skulduggery Pleasant, the great, fearless, confident, self assured and above all else, egotistical detective was wearing a frilly pink apron with the slogan 'Domestic Goddess in Disguise' stitched onto it. The only other time the (not so Skeleton) Detective had ever been seen in anything this demeaning was when he had been found wearing a French maids dress and wig at Scapegrace's birthday party – but that's a whole other fanfiction so I won't go into that here. It's safe to say that it was completely hilarious.

Skulduggery stood in the doorway, glaring at Tanith before he switched his attention to Valkyrie. "How can I help you... _my Lady..._" He hissed reluctantly.

Valkyrie glared. "Drop the attitude Skulduggery; you are acting like Garfield on a Monday!"

"What do you want, Oh most benevolent Mistress?"

"Well, we need-"

"What more can you possibly need?" Skulduggery interrupted. "I've already gotten you pillows, blankets, DVD's, heck, I've even been to the shops to get you some nail varnish, which, by the way, made the cash register guy look at me like I was a weirdo!"

"We need," She began seriously. "Some popcorn! We can't have a film night without popcorn, that's blasphemy!"

"No way! I am not going out like this again!"

"Fine!" Valkyrie replied, narrowing her eyes and taking her phone out of her pocket. Skulduggery tried to protest but she was already dialling a number. As she put the mobile to her ear, Tanith turned towards him. "What is _up_ with you guys? What has she got over you? Is this like the time she stole your hat and took it hostage?"

"Worse." He said darkly.

Tanith gasped, "Worse! How can it be worse!"

Valkyrie was now speaking into her phone. "Hey Fletch, do you mind picking me, Tan and Skulduggery up and taking us to Ghastly's? I think you should be there too."

There was a high pitched buzzing from the other end of the phone. Valkyrie winced and held it away from her ear for a moment. "No, nothing's wrong, there's just something we should all see."

Another less frantic buzzing. "Sure, see you in a minute!" Valkyrie snapped her phone shut. "He'll be here in a minute." She announced to the room.

"_Val!" _Tanith whined. "Do we _have _to go out? We were just about to paint our toenails, and I'm _hungry!"_ With a faint pop, Fletcher appeared behind her holding a packet out.

"Redvine?" He asked. Tanith took one, saying thank you quietly and he disappeared into thin air again. Tanith turned back to her friends, biting the end of the sweet off, and said. "Oh my God, I love magic!"

Valkyrie looked at her in confusion for a second before shaking her head. "Fletcher!" She shouted. "Aren't you forgetting something?"

He reappeared. "Oh yeah, I was giving you a lift..." His voice trailed off towards the end as he got a good look at what the girls were wearing. "Wow." He turned and saw Skulduggery. His eyes widened. "WOW!"

After a rather awkward silence, Skulduggery decided to break it and get the attention away from his current attire.

"Soo, how did you hear Valkyrie calling you after you teleported away? Or was it just a coincidence?"

"No! That's what she wants you to think!" His statement was met with blank stares all round. "The Author! There's this girl, sitting at a computer right now, making us do things without us knowing! She needed me to be here but she couldn't think of a way to bring me back after I offered Tanith a-" He turned to the camera... err, reader, holding up his packet of Redvines. "-Redvine, that made sense so she twisted time and space so I would hear you-"

Suddenly a huge piece of wood fell from the ceiling right onto Fletcher's head, knocking him out cold on the floor. Valkyrie sighed, used to this odd behaviour and picked up a glass of ice cold water that was conveniently placed on the table next to her, pouring it over his head. He twitched on the floor, groaning. "Mummy!" He whimpered and sat up. "What happened? The last thing I remember was Skulduggery wearing an apron."

"You got hit on the head!" Stated Tanith helpfully as Skulduggery scowled at them all.

"Yeah, you were about to take us to Ghastly's." Valkyrie added.

"Well, come on then! Strange, I still feel like I'm forgetting something important..." Fletcher took hold of everyone's arm and teleported, singing something that sounded suspiciously like- "Ghastly's, Ghastly's, here we come! Ghastly's, Ghastly's, yum, yum, yum!"

Somewhere in England, a girl cackled madly as she typed away on her laptop.

**Nothing to see here folks, just a line of random writing to show the passage of time...**

When they made it to Ghastly's ten minutes later, and the tape was watched, there was much laughing and teasing Skulduggery, including Fletcher calling him 'Jesse McCartney's douchebag' which resulted in a few raised eyebrows. But soon, all was forgotten as everyone travelled back to Valkyrie's house to watch Titanic and the girls finally got the awesome sleepover they had been wishing for. Valkyrie and Skulduggery made up as the tissues were pulled out and she fell asleep in his arms. Everything was back to normal. Well, almost everything. There was still the fact that Madam Mist still wanted a few favours from our favourite skeleton turned human...

**A/N: DUN DUN DUUUUNN! Whatever is going to happen next? And will I be continuing this or am I just going to leave you with this cliffhanger? Will we ever find out what Madame Mist has in store for Skul? Will I ever stop speaking/typing like this? Who knows!**

**So, didya like it? Hate it? Want a Redvine? Then you must review!**

**_Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo_  
**


	3. Thanatos Stayne

**A/N: Please don't hurt me! I am so sorry this has taken me so long, but I have been really busy with exams and things, and I've had an extremely bad case of writers block. Thankyou to everyone that has reviewed or favourited and stuck with me through my absence. I've had this idea for months but couldn't get it down, especially the ending so I'm very sorry if it's not up to my usual standard... I hope you can all forgive me enough to enjoy the chapter :)**

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Valkyrie was having a bad day.

She was chained to a wall. She had been chained to this bare stone wall for the last eleven hours, without any food, water... or bathroom breaks. She had nothing to entertain herself with, apart from the occasional _visitor_, so it was safe to say that she was extremely bored. But all of this wasn't the worst part of her situation. Not by a long way.

The worst part was that the man pacing a few yards in front of her, another visitor, was laughing. At _her._ Valkyrie could not stand people laughing at her expense. It was so infuriating. Normally, she would just shrug it off, knowing that they were underestimating her, mocking her because she was 'just a young girl' and 'she could do no harm'. But this time was different. There was something about this young-looking, handsome–in–a–plain–kind–of–way man, something about his general aura that truly scared Valkyrie, a feeling that she wasn't used to, and wasn't really enjoying.

"Valkyrie, Valkyrie, Valkyrie..." He tutted, pausing with his face in the shadows that the single flickering bulb in the room could not banish. "Valkyrie Cain... I've heard you've been giving my men a hard time. What am I to do with you?"

"How about letting me go, you sick freak!" Valkyrie replied, less venomously than she usually would have. She had promised herself that she would be twice as cautious as per usual, and she was desperately trying to reign in her temper.

"Now, why would I do that, sweetheart? I could have _so _much fun with you." The figure sneered as he stepped into the fluctuating light. Valkyrie gasped.

The right side of his face was completely normal- average, even – brown eye, blonde hair, tanned skin. But then he turned face on and Valkyrie realised who she was dealing with. A blue lens- a mockery of a real eye- stared back at her from where it was set into a thick, translucent, moulded material that had been slowly and painfully welded onto the subject's face in a sadistic experiment almost nine years previously. Through the strange material, you could barely see the outline of a brain and numerous cogs that made a faint ticking noise as they turned. But that was enough to raise the hairs on the back of Valkyrie's neck. She struggled to speak around the huge lump that had appeared in her throat. "Thanatos Stayne." It came out weak and quiet but it was all that she could manage at the moment. "Ah, yes, we haven't been properly introduced yet, have we? I am, of course, Thanatos Stayne. But you already knew that, didn't you? I believe you were one of the detectives assigned the task of finding the man responsible for doing this to my face while Detective Pleasant was stuck in the Faceless One's world. You were such a small thing then, only a few years older than I was- 14, 15 was it? But now... well, you have certainly grown up, haven't you?"

He looked at Valkyrie, lust clear in his one human eye as he scanned her from head to toe. She flinched away; turning her back and curling her body up into a ball to protect herself, glad that she had decided to wear her more baggy, loose protective clothes today.

"Although I would have preferred a more violent and painful alternative, I have to thank you for detaining the scientist. I hope you appreciate that, now they are said, my thanks won't stop me from killing you."

"Why are you doing this?" She managed to force out.

"Well, it seems your friend, the skeleton, managed to disrupt one of my plans a few years back. It's nothing personal, just that my sources say that you are the one person in this world that he cares most for. And I believe it's time for a nice helping of revenge!"

"Oh how kind of you, I'm extremely comforted by the fact that none of this is personal!" Valkyrie spat viciously, trying to hide how fragile he made her feel.

"Don't try to be smart with me, Miss Cain. I can see the terror in your eyes. I can hear your pulse racing. I can _taste _your fear." Stayne crooned the words before continuing in a mockingly polite tone. "Now, don't you want to ask me how we're going to do this? Well, I'll tell you anyway. See, I tend to love the dramatics, I enjoy a good show, so here's what you are going to do- Detective Pleasant and a few of your friends are heading to the mall we are situated underneath at the moment to investigate an anonymous sighting of you. The poor things have been looking frantically for you since you went missing last night. In the main courtyard of this mall, as I am sure you are aware, there is a glass elevator. At 12 o'clock _exactly, _you will step into this elevator with a little package of mine. This package will be a bomb and your precious friends will be left to watch as you explode into a million pieces! My colleagues and I will be safely miles away, watching Detective Pleasant's face from a hidden camera as he watches his closest friend die. Sounds fun, doesn't it?"

Valkyrie turned and glared with all the strength she could muster. "You sadistic _bastard!"_

He proceeded as if he hadn't heard a word she said. "And just to complete the scene, you are going to be wearing this." Stayne thrust a bundle of fabric toward her. "Some lady friends of mine will be here in a moment to help you dress and ensure you have no hidden weapons up your metaphorical sleeves. But, don't worry, they are well trained and will be able to kill you in an instant if you try to run. Remember, if you behave, I might just let your friends go free. What they will see today is worse than any physical pain I could cause them... I should know." With his last muttered words, Stayne exited the room and was replaced by two fair haired women.

Valkyrie looked down at the material. It was white... A white, _formfitting _dress. She felt a thrill of fear. The women were silent but had a menacing air about them as they helped her change. They were quick and efficient, only pausing when they tried to take her ring.

"Please," She begged. "Don't take it, it's my wedding ring. I'd like to be wearing it when I die." The woman on the right's eyes softened and they permitted her to keep it on. Then, just as suddenly as they had entered the room, the women breezed out without a word. Thanatos Stayne strolled casually back into the room, his eyes hungrily devouring the sight of Valkyrie. Then he stopped with wide eyes.

The dress was undeniably beautiful yet simple. In typical Roman style, the dress only had one shoulder which was secured by an embellished strap. The shoulder swept down to a glittery bodice, then melted into a flowing skirt. A gauzy train floated from the back of the dress. But what caught Stayne's attention was the swell of Valkyrie's stomach. The unmistakeable baby bump.

"Who..." He was lost for words. Then he spied the skull shaped ring on her finger and chuckled. "Well, Pleasant has been busy, hasn't he? I had heard that Miss Sorrows had crafted him a facade, but I have to give her credit. I never would have thought it could have been _this _effective!"

He circled around his prisoner. Valkyrie flinched as every step echoed noisily around the stone room.

"Well, Miss Cain- Sorry, I should say Mrs Pleasant- It seems we have a change of plan. I never realised that you were _this _close to your skeleton friend. _This_ I need to see! Shall we let your friends come to my room instead? Then it will be just like a flashback for Pleasant as he watches his second wife and child get gutted!"

Valkyrie let loose a torrent of swearing, cursing her captor to the deepest, darkest depths of hell and was rewarded with a blow to the face and a dirty rag fashioned into a makeshift gag.

"Let's go." Stayne growled.

She was dragged roughly through seemingly endless hallways by the two women from earlier until they came to a non-descript door. Valkyrie was pushed through it into Stayne's meeting room. It was classy and comfortable, exactly what you would expect of a wealthy businessman's office. As footsteps resounded outside in the passageway, the gagged woman was shoved into a supply closet.

Valkyrie lost her balance and her head collided with the corner of a shelf. She heard angry voices but couldn't decipher the words through the pounding in her ears. Putting her hand on the wound, she tried to concentrate but was distracted by the steady trickle of blood down her arm.

Suddenly, a crack of light appeared. The women- _twins, _she thought through the haze- had opened the door and the sound came rushing in, intensifying the throbbing.

"I'd put that gun down, if I were you, _Detective._"

"And why would you do that?" Skulduggery's velvet voice was twisted into a growl- a low, primal sound that was somehow still attractive.

Stayne's voice was full of pure malice. "Because, I believe I have something that belongs to you."

Valkyrie gave an involuntary cry as Stayne seized the back of her hair and turned her to face the guests. Someone gasped. Tanith maybe? They were all there; Tanith, Ghastly, Fletcher, Skulduggery, even China, who Valkyrie had begun to call a friend.

Skulduggery rushed forward then stopped suddenly as Valkyrie gave a whimper of pain. Stayne had, in one smooth, well practised motion, twisted her closer to him and unsheathed the knife at his side. Pulling her hair backwards, he revealed her neck and held the knife to it.

"Now, now, Pleasant, don't make me do anything you'd regret." His words oozed with poison. Skulduggery stepped back again, his hands slightly raised in a universal calming gesture and his fake face betraying his fear.

Without warning, China dropped to her knees screaming.

"Now, Miss Sorrows, I am no fool! Of course I have symbols imbedded all around my office, to counter any other symbol bearing attackers. You didn't really think it would be that easy, did you?"

Stayne turned towards Skulduggery. "As for you, I thought I had warned you? Obviously you don't care for your wife as much as I thought you did. Well, I suppose it's time for my own punishment."

He pushed Valkyrie into the opposite corner of the room and Tanith edged round, unseen, to check her best friend's injuries.

Stayne advanced on Skulduggery. "Well, what shall it be, a quick painless death, or a slow agonising one?" He looked at the other faces in the room. "That was funny. Oh, whatever, let's just get on with it."

He stretched his arm out in Skulduggery's direction and clenched his fist, raising it slowly higher. Skulduggery was lifted, gasping for air as if an invisible hand was squeezing the breath from his lungs.

Ghastly and Fletcher tried to help but were restrained by the twins, who were extremely strong for women of their size. China was still incapacitated and Tanith was preoccupied with stopping Valkyrie from losing too much blood and passing out.

"The problem, Pleasant, with Miss Sorrow's excellent facade is that it is rather too good. You should be comforted that if you were still a skeleton, then I wouldn't be able to do this. You see, as soon as I found out that you had knocked up your little tart over there, I realised you must have gained organs. And organs are very fragile things, you know. If I were to punch a hole in your lung, like so," He made a jabbing motion with his index finger and Skulduggery coughed. "You would drown in your own blood..." He watched gleefully as Skulduggery started to choke, flecks of blood speckling the cream carpet.

Valkyrie looked up through the haze as she heard her beloved give a gurgled shout. When the images finally registered in her brain, all the hate and fear she had felt in the last twelve hours bubbled up to the surface and she saw red.

Tanith was scared when Valkyrie stood up, scared that Valkyrie would get hurt, scared that she would lose another one of her best friends. So Tanith grabbed her arm, pulling her gently back toward the wall. Valkyrie turned abruptly and glared at Tanith, a warning clear in her scarlet eyes. Tanith released her arm immediately.

Valkyrie's voice rang through the room, slightly deeper than usual and gained everyone's attention. "How dare you. The child is needed for the ultimate plan, it must not be harmed. How dare you upset my plans, Thanatos Stayne. You should worship at my feet."

Thanatos laughed and let Skulduggery crash to the ground behind him. "And who might you be, so almighty that you presume to order me around?"

The sudden smile that came to Valkyrie's dark lips was somehow more haunting than her glare. "I am the Destroyer of Worlds, the Bringer of Silence, the nightmares that haunted your childhood dreams. I am Darquesse. And you will BOW before me!" Darquesse held her arm out, palm up and turned it over, thrusting it downwards. Tendrils of a red, smoke like substance emanated from her hand, forming a spike that drove into Stayne's back, making him scream out and fall to his knees.

With this head hung, Stayne pleaded with Darquesse. "I beg of you, my Queen, spare me! I repent!"

"I despise cowards. You have no place in my scheme. You will be eliminated." With a click of her fingers, Darquesse unleashed her wrath and crushed the remains of the cyborg's skull.

She stepped over the mound of dust that was all that remained of Stayne and stalked over to Skulduggery, hissing at Ghastly when he tried to step in front of her.

As she looked down at his broken body, her eyes flashed brown for a moment. "Skul, are you alright?"

Skulduggery gave a weak attempt at a smile. "Yeah, I'm just fine and dandy. You?"

"I am unharmed." The mechanical tone was back. "Why do you lie to me, her, us?"

"It's called a joke, Val."

"I am not 'Val' anymore, I am Darquesse!"

Skulduggery shifted himself into an almost upright sitting position against the wall with a groan. "But I can tell, I can see in your eyes that she is still there. Am I right?"

"She is a strong one. She will not go without a fight. And now is not the time for that fight, although it will come soon. You are needed. Be healed."

With a wave of Darquesse's hand, the coloured smoke engulfed Skulduggery's body, at the same time the woman collapsed to the floor. When Skulduggery once again became visible, his wounds were fully healed and he felt as good as new, although his shirt lay in bloodied tatters on the floor.

Valkyrie stirred. "Skul?"

Skulduggery walked over and hurriedly pulled Valkyrie into his arms. "I'm here, Val."

"What happened?" Valkyrie asked, looking slightly confused, before frowning. Suddenly, a murky muddle of memories flashed through her head, and Valkyrie was forced to watch as she destroyed the pleading man.

She looked up at her friends- her _family_- in abject horror. "I killed him. He was defenceless, I could've just arrested him, but I was so, so angry, and she took over and then she just... I just..."

As the tears started falling, and the first sob escaped her throat, Valkyrie tried to pull away from her husband's arms.

"No, let me go! It's not... It's not safe to be around you... I can't control her!"

Skulduggery just pulled her closer, stroking her hair. "Shhh... Don't cry, sweetheart..."

"It's not safe..." Valkyrie whispered in a broken voice.

Skulduggery kissed her forehead. "Don't worry, everything will be fine. I promise you that I will help you get rid of her. She won't hurt any of us again."

"Thank you."

Laying her head on his chest, Valkyrie let her emotions out as he murmured comforting words into her ear.

"Skul?"

"Yes, Val?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

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**A/N: Please review and tell me how this was, or give me story suggestions because they might help me get over this horrible block :)**

**I love you all!**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


	4. The Feeling

**A/N: I know this chapter is a lot shorter than the last one, but it's also a lot quicker, right? Enjoy!**

Her mind is blank, (_vacant, empty)_ in the barren void. She lets herself fall into the soft embrace of the nothingness and all her worries (_fear, anguish) _dissipate. Yet there is still that feeling, (_always that feeling), _that there is something she needs to do, something so, _so_ important. It rests in the back of her mind (_always there), _and stops her from completely letting go. What (_who, where) _is the feeling? Why must it torment her? She just wants to surrender, but it pulls her back down (_up?) _like gravity.

She floats for an eternity and her mind wanders, but not too far (_never too far)_ from the nagging disquiet. It strengthens, slowly, and for the first time she wonders if she still has substance (_a body, a form). _She concentrates and consciously tries to feel her nerves (_Aha, there!)_, tracing them to the very ends. With the greatest effort it has ever taken her, she wiggles her fingers. A pause, then she tries to open her eyes. She struggles, and then winces as the bright light pours in. She looks around and sees nothing- an empty, never ending landscape of light and fog.

Her surroundings have a kind of harsh beauty, yet she feels vulnerable (_and cold, so, so cold), _until she feels it. It starts as a spark, a hint of warmth, and she sees a thin red cord (_or was it blue? Or green?)_ vanishing into the distance. She trusts it implicitly.

Taking hold of the link, she walks for days (_minutes?),_ each step strengthening the feeling of trust (_love, hope, safe, home)._ The light ends abruptly and she stops short. Without any prior warning, she has stumbled upon what looks like an invisible border, where the light and dark battle for dominance in an eternal conflict. She hovers indecisively. The light may be cold, but it is honest, and the dark reeks of evil. She looks at the path of the cord, and takes a leap of faith.

The darkness is suffocating and she is surrounded by her friends and family calling, crying for help. She is tempted, but she must not look (_can't, won't)_ or she knows she will fall. She closes her eyes and tightens her grip.

Suddenly it all stops.

She opens her eyes and finds herself standing on the pier in Haggard with the sun bright in the sky. She turns and runs to her house, finding her parent kneeling in the garden, with their backs to her, weeding the flowers. She sighs in relief and calls out to them. ('_Not them' a voice whispers)_

"Mom, Dad! You're fine! I think I must have fallen asleep, 'cause I had the weirdest dream!" Unnoticed by her, dark clouds start to form in the sky above (_It's all wrong)_. "It all started after Uncle Gordon died. There was this skeleton who said I had magic and- Mom, Dad, are you listening?"

The two figures turn to face her. The heavens open up. She screams.

The figures cock their heads to the sides, and seem to be looking right at her as best as they can without eyes. The skin on their faces melt and drip, colours mixing together like bled ink.

She runs, spurred on by her fear (_terror, despair), _unconsciously gravitating towards something familiar (_the feeling)._ She realises that it calls her, her name (_but she just can't remember)._

She reaches the tempestuous sea and flings herself in because she has to escape, has to get away.

And she can hear, at last!

"_Val? Valkyrie? Come back to me, Valkyrie!"_

And she remembers. She escapes the fog and looks up at him. Her saviour (_love, hope, safe, home). _ Skulduggery Pleasant. Valkyrie launches herself into his arms.

She has just seconds to gather herself before the memories catch up with her. She remembers the hate and rage, the power, a murderous rampage. Memories that are hers, but not _hers _at the same time.

"Sh... She was back again, wasn't she? Darquesse was back." Valkyrie knows it's the truth, but she desperately hopes that someone will contradict her.

It's Tanith that delivers the news. "Yeah. You... She went on a rampage and killed eight civilians in Monaghan. I'm sorry."

Valkyrie looks down at her shaking hands and feels her eyes burn.

"It will never stop, will it?" The sympathetic looks she receives as good as answer her question.

**A/N: I have no idea where this idea came from, (probably from reading and watching Alice In Wonderland too much...) so it's probably a bit weird and hard to follow. If it sounds rushed, that's probably because it is. I wanted to get something up for you guys because you spent so long waiting for the last one. I hope you enjoyed it anyway.**

**Please review with feedback or story ideas!**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxo  
**


	5. Dear Skulduggery

**A/N: O****k, so this chapter is a little bit, ermm, depressing, but I'm quite happy with the way it has turned out, except for maybe the last few lines. Oh, and because I forgot last time, thank you to everyone that has reviewed or favourited, it means a lot and really encourages me to write more.**

* * *

_If I die young, bury me in satin  
Lay me down on a bed of roses  
Sink me in the river, at dawn  
Send me away with the words of a love song  
__  
__The sharp knife of a short life, well  
I've had, just enough time_

* * *

_Dear Skulduggery,_

_By the time you read this letter, I will be gone. Over the last few years, I have come to realise that the only way to destroy Darquesse is to sacrifice myself. And this is something I will gladly do, if it ensures the protection of my friends and family._

_Right now, I can't imagine killing everyone I know and care for, and I don't know what it would take to make me, but it has been foretold by every major Sensitive in the magical world. I just can't take the chance that something will push me to the edge and I won't be able to stop myself from falling. I know that you would try to catch me, but I would just pull you down with me. Understand that I can't risk my family's life like that. I can't risk _your_ life._

_I ask but one thing of you; don't tell my parents what happened to me, it would kill them. Let the reflection live out the rest of my life as she wishes. Just make sure that she tells my parents that she loves them every day._

_And so, now comes the time to say goodbye. Please tell everyone that I am so, so, sorry._

_Tanith- I am sorry that I won't have the chance to tell you this in person, but I know that if I were to see any one of you again, I would never be able to do what I know I must. I want you to know that even if we aren't related by blood, you are the best big sister and friend that a girl could ever hope for. I have always looked up to you and you have never let me down. You were always there when I was sad or angry, or when I just needed someone to talk to. Thank you._

_Ghastly- Thank you for everything that you have done for me. I do this in the hope that the things your mother saw will never come true. Thank you for attempting to keep me safe, even though I have made it extremely hard for you. Sometimes, I wonder what my life would have been like if I had listened to your advice, turned tail and never looked back. Part of me wishes that I had, and then this whole thing would be unnecessary, but I wouldn't change the years I have had with you guys for the world. You make a great Elder and everyone looks up to you. I have always seen you as a mixture of an uncle and a protective older brother. By the way, we can all see that you and Tanith are completely, head over heels in love with each other, so do something about it. Look after her. _

_Fletcher- I'm sorry about the way our relationship ended, but it was never going to work out. I see now that the affection I have for you has always been brotherly. I think that things worked out for the best in the end, you will find a new girlfriend, someone who can keep you in line, and me... well, I won't need a boyfriend where I'm going. You have always been the joker of the group, the one who knows how to make us all laugh when we are feeling down. Thank you for that. Keep smiling, Fletch._

_China- Look, whether you like it or not, I consider you a friend now. So deal with it. I'm not going to get all sentimental here, because I know you would probably just scoff, and miss my funeral. On the note of my funeral, will you do one thing for me, for old time's sake? Make me pretty, China. I don't think that the rest of them would be able to stand seeing me covered in blood. I'd like to be buried in the white dress that Skulduggery bought me for your party two years ago. That party was the first time that I knew we could be good friends. When you helped me get ready, and gave me advice about Fletcher, it really felt like you were another sister. Yeah, I know I said I wouldn't get sentimental. I lied. Thank you._

_Skul- I left you until last, because I just don't know how to say this. You are the most self absorbed, egotistical, vain, arrogant person I have ever met, and it's unhealthy how obsessed you are about your hat, but you're my best friend. You introduced me into this world of magic and you have been there for me ever since. You have protected me from everything and everyone that has tried to hurt me. You're always just a call away, and you're the first person I look to when I have a problem. You're someone that I can always rely on and confide in. Sure, we have our ups and downs, but I wouldn't change a thing, because I love you... There, I said it. I'm in love with you, Skulduggery Pleasant. I have always loved you, and I always will, wherever I end up after this. I know that right now, you will be thinking up as many arguments as you can, but I don't care. I don't care that you're hundreds of years older than me, because you're young at heart. And don't even think about saying you don't have a heart because even though you can't feel it, you do. I don't care that you're a skeleton, because even when you try so hard to hide it, I see through your facade and I know that you are the most loving, affectionate, charming man that I have ever met. And I know you put on a high and mighty disguise, but you are a good man inside, where it counts, and that is an accomplishment in itself. With a past like yours, all the pain and suffering and hate you have been through, it's a wonder how caring you have turned out. I'd like to think that I have been a good friend to you, even when I wanted more. You're just so damn clueless sometimes, Skul! I just wish that we could have had more time together. Thank you so much, for everything._

_Please make sure that everyone gets their message, and once again, I am so, so, sorry._

_Goodbye, my love._

_Valkyrie Cain x_

Skulduggery reached the end of the note and fell silent. He put down the piece of paper and sat with his head in his gloved hands, tears running from his facade's eyes.

"Why? Why didn't I tell her how much she meant to me? Why didn't I tell her that I loved her?"

The hush of his friends around him said it all. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. Ghastly held Tanith as she sobbed hysterically for her baby sister, and tried to hold in his own tears. Fletcher wept quietly as China ruined her hair by burying her face into his shoulder.

There was silence for the loss of a friend. The loss of a woman that still had so much left to live for.

* * *

_And I'll be wearing white, when I come into your kingdom  
I'm as green as the ring on my little, cold finger, I've  
Never known the lovin' of a man  
But it sure felt nice when he was holding my hand._

* * *

**A/N: I hope you all liked it! Please review!**

**The song in this chapter is called If I Die Young by The Band Perry.**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


	6. Letters

**A/N: Hi, I'm back! I'm on a roll! But that's probably just because it's the summer holidays and I have nothing better to do with my life... Wow, that's depressing... -_-  
**

**Anyway, this would have been up sooner, but my crappy laptop keeps overheating and shutting itself down every five minutes. It's really annoying!**

**Thank you to everyone who favourited or reviewed, they really spurred me on to write more. I heart you all!**

**This chapter is dedicated to SymetricallyObsessed who requested... Well, you'll find out!**

** Reia Kellyn- Yay, reviews! Thankyou! I'm proud of Thanatos' name too! Thanatos is the name of the daemon personification of death in Greek mythology (plus it sounds cool.) The Stayne bit came from the name Ilosovic Stayne because I was obssessed with the new Alice in Wonderland film while I was writing it :) I'm not sure if this counts as a HappySkul time, so I'm going to try and write another one as well.  
**

**I'd like to say that I have no idea what training for a bomb disposal squad is like, so forgive me if it's completely wrong. Now, on with the chapter, at last. Enjoy!**

* * *

"There's another one." Skulduggery's smooth voice slowly registered through Valkyrie's sleep befuddled mind.

"Huh?" She queried.

"I said there's another one." He took a seat next to her and threw Valkyrie's mail down on the kitchen table.

It was far too early for her to be playing these games with him. "I heard what you said! A little explanation wouldn't hurt." Valkyrie responded snappishly. She looked closely at the envelope her friend was now holding up, and scowled. "Oh, give me a break! Another one?"

"That is what I said."

"Oh, be quiet, you know that there will be one waiting for you at your place tonight."

That wiped the smirk off his face. "What do you want me to do with it?"

"Put it with the rest. And make me another coffee while you're at it, I'm going need it before I face the day. Do you know how much paperwork we've got to do?"

With a mock sigh, Skulduggery stood to put the kettle on before tossing the envelope out of the window, not giving a second look at the steadily growing pile of identical letters that it landed on.

* * *

_Ding-Dong_

Tanith jumped up and beamed at her long-term boyfriend. "I'll get it!" She chimed before skipping towards the door. She got there in no time and was soon signing for a package and waving the postman goodbye.

Ghastly chuckled. "Expecting something?"

She walked back in with a large box balanced against her hip and a few smaller papers in her hand. She sorted through them as she replied. "Yeah, I went online the other day and found _the _cutest... Ugh, not again!"

"What?" Ghastly asked, wrapping his arms around her waist and looking over her shoulder. "Oh. Well, he's persistent; you've got to admire that. Would you do the honours?"

"Of course!" Tanith folded the envelope as tightly as she could, and then stuffed it down the waste disposal. They listen with satisfaction at the whirring noise, then silence.

"Well, that's that taken care of. Anyway, you have to see this dress I bought. It's the most gorgeous thing. I think you'll enjoy it, Gee-gee!"

Ghastly pinched the bridge of his nose. "Promise me you'll never call me that in public."

* * *

"M-m-m-Ma'am? There's another letter here for you. What would you like me to do with it?"

China smiled sweetly at the man in front of her. His spindly legs trembled. "What did I tell you to do with the other ones that I've been getting everyday for nearly six weeks now?"

"You told me to send them back, Ma'am, with a more insulting message each time."

" Yes, until he gets the point. Well, what are you waiting for, sweetie, hop to it!" China replied in a forced polite tone. It just wouldn't do to throw a book at the shaking boy, as she felt like doing. After all, what was it they said? 'Don't shoot the messenger.' Also, it was getting harder and harder to find capable assistants who didn't faint at the sight of her.

China thought that she may have overdone it a bit with the smile, as the man swooned then scrambled through the door, leaving behind a squeak that was barely recognisable as a sentence.

"Carry my babies!"

China's lips twitched. _Huh. That was a new one._

* * *

Fletcher lay on his bed in his ritzy London Townhouse where he was staying for the weekend. Hey, the guy was a teleporter; he could pretty much do whatever he wanted. Unfortunately, having a detective as a best friend tended to do wonders for your sense of morality and Fletcher had promised Valkyrie that he wouldn't appear in anymore banks.

Fletcher was flicking through his mail when his eye was caught by his address, hastily scrawled in a familiar hand. He groaned and ran his hand through his flat hair. (Fletcher was not a morning person, and he certainly hadn't had the time to go through his usual three hour beauty regime. It takes a great deal of time and effort to create a style that walks the thin line between fierce and fashionable as well as Fletcher's legendary locks.)

Suddenly his eyes lit up, like a teleporter in a bank vault. "I know exactly what to do with this!" He cried triumphantly, jumping up from his slouched position and punching the air in the classic teenage hero pose. Then, just as instantaneously, Fletcher relaxed and looked towards his drawn curtains, thanking wizard God that no-one had seen him. Sure, the stance looked cool if you were Superman, or from High School Musical (Not that Fletcher has watched it or anything...), but it just didn't look right when executed by a grown man who should be way past the cartoon phase of his life.

After donning a cap to hide his tragically lifeless hair, Fletcher set off down the hall, stopping only once, in front of the mirror for his usual routine. ("How you doin'?", "My, aren't you looking particularly strapping today?", "Oh, do stop, you're making me blush!")

With a barely audible pop, Fletcher was gone.

* * *

The trainees at the North London bomb disposal were having a completely normal day. They quickly settled into the regular routine; informational video, demonstration, hands-on experience, lunch, then paperwork before the end of the working day. Jordan Harris was the rising star of this class. With an instinctual knowledge of the inner workings of a bomb, Jordan was a quick learner and a favourite of the instructors. On this overcast morning, he, like all his classmates was feeling equal parts nerves and excitement for their first real life situation in which their task was to safely detonate a bomb. This was what all their training had been leading up to. Of course Jordan had handled a bomb before, although never a live one, and of course there would be a fully trained bomb squad to oversee the exercise, but Jordan, as training team leader, had to make sure this went perfectly.

And it did... Until the last moments. "3... 2..."Jordan was holding the obligatory countdown when the trainee next to him, a woman by the name of Sharon, called for the countdown to be stopped, spotting something at the same instance as her co-worker. "Stop, I saw something move!"

Jordan Harris made the most rookie mistake in the book. He grabbed his microphone and shouted. "_One_ moment ple-"

*BOOM*

Jordan Harris was fired that afternoon. He spent the next few months wondering if he was going crazy, or whether he had actually seen a floating boy flash him a peace sign, before dropping something on the bomb. He decided on crazy.

* * *

On the set of Titanic 2, Leonardo DiCaprio was taking a break while the backdrop for the next scene was set up. A tap on his shoulder alerted him to the presence of the film's producer and screenwriter, a dark haired woman by the name of Reia Kellyn. He turned to face her.

"Leo, hunny, some guy asked me to bring this to you in person, said it was important."

The film star looked at the envelope and saw that it was exactly the same as the other thirty of them he had received. Who was this nut job, and how did they always know how to find him?

"Thanks Rei. Hey, have you seen Darren lately?"

Reia sighed. "Nah, he's been really busy shooting Glee, but I heard on Skulbook that-"

A loud wailing started. "Places, people!" The director shouted.

"Ugh, sorry Rei, that's my cue. How about we catch up later?"

"Sure, see ya!"

Leonardo jogged over to the set, a large boat in a tank of water.

"Camera rolling!"

"I'm still the king of the world! Take that, Rose, you bitch!" The actor flung his arms out, letting go of the letter and watching it fall into the pool, where live sharks were tearing apart a very realistic looking chunk of flesh. They made no differentiation between meat and paper. Even sharks need fibre in their diet. Leonardo delivered his final line of the scene. "That was for letting go!"

* * *

Mages and mortals all over the country, all over the world, were receiving these letters, and all of them were finding new and creative ways to dispose of them. Set on fire, dropped into a blender, eaten, ran over by a tank. And those are only the examples that I am legally and morally allowed to write about.

But this all boils down to one question. What were the letters?

Well, to answer that question we are taken to a badly lit, disused warehouse on the outskirts of Dublin, where a man was sitting on a stool in the centre of the room. He didn't seem to notice the smell of rotting that lingered in the warehouse, or at least didn't acknowledge it.

"Where is everyone?" He whined. "They're not coming, are they?" The question was aimed at another man, who looked slightly older, although their ages were nigh on impossible to tell.

The second man turned to face the first, holding a cone made of card. "Here, have a party hat. That'll make you feel better. Maybe they didn't get the invites. I knew I should have sent more."

The first man, now sporting a party hat, scowled. "Be quiet, Gerald. No one wants to come. This is the worst birthday party ever!"

"Don't be like that, Scapey, I'm here. Anyway, things can only get better!" The thunderstorm that had been threatening all day took this moment to announce itself. There was a flash of lightening before the power failed. The two men were plunged into darkness.

Thrasher laughed nervously. "Time for cake?"

"I hate my life."

* * *

**A/N: All credit for the idea of Titanic 2 goes to Reia Kellyn, I just borrowed it for a paragraph.**

**So, did you like it? Please let me know in a review, because it really does help me write faster! If you do, you get a hug from Leonardo DiCaprio! And you all want that, right? (I know I do...)  
**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo**


	7. A Mission

**A/N: I'm BAAACK! I'm soo sorry for the lengthy wait... (That is if there is anyone still reading this) **

**I have absolutely no valid excuse for this, other than being engrossed by the Green Rider Series, then the Lord of the Rings. Also, I just haven't been able to muster up the willpower to write. **

**I'm sorry that this is so short, and just a load of fluff, but I'm working my way up to bigger things (I hope) **

**Thankyou to anyone who reviewed or favourited, and I hope you enjoy this little titbit :)**

* * *

Skulduggery stalked around the corner, crouching low with one hand hovering uncertainly above the ground to keep his balance. His head tilted slightly. Silence. Not a sound could be heard throughout the house but the lashings of rain against the windowpanes.

Maybe it was safe, but could he risk it? His whole mission balanced precariously on this one moment, this one decision. Just three more steps and he would be through unnoticed. He took the plunge.

One step... He could see his prize.

Two steps... Skulduggery cringed and held his breath as the floorboards groaned beneath his polished shoe.

Three steps- Skulduggery made a break for it, lunging forwards and not noticing, until it was too late, the frantic shaking of Valkyrie's head as she perched in the safe zone. Suddenly, it was upon him.

It collided with his chest and knocked him backwards, a mass of snarled and matted raven hair, attired in torn and dirtied clothes. They grappled for a moment, before Skulduggery wrapped his long arms around the form and held tight.

A profoundly feminine giggle emanated from the mound as it looked up with wide, long lashed eyes the colour of the sea after a storm. 'Dadda godh tag!'

Skulduggery chuckled. 'No, silly, we're not playing tag. Its bath time for you, isn't it!'

'Skul!' His wife hissed, sliding out from behind the sofa where she had been hidden. 'Don't tell her that! She'll never cooperate with us now!'

Skulduggery rolled his eyes, a feat that had taken much practise to perfect after more than two hundred years of being a skeleton. 'She's barely a toddler, Val. I doubt that she can understand everything that we are saying.'

'Have you not met us? We are the best detectives in the Sanctuary, if not in the country, and if anyone can create a super astute, genius baby, it's us!'

'Oh God, what have we unleashed on the world?' Skulduggery's face fell into a mask of pure dread.

'On the bright side,' Valkyrie grinned. 'She has awesome hair.'

And all was well with the world again.

* * *

**A/N: If this sounds unfinished, that's because it is... I planned this to be much longer, and the rest may come in a later chapter, if I can write it.**

**I hope you all review, maybe with chapter suggestions :D**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo**

**P.S. Please ignore the formatting if it turns out crappy :/**


	8. Birth

**A/N: I have another chapter! Are you happy?**

**I'd just like to say, about these chapters, that I have never had a child, and don't have any younger siblings or close family, so I don't know much about how children behave or childbirth. If I have this completely wrong, just bear with me, and just make believe. Thankyou!**

**Now, Enjoy!**

* * *

Valkyrie lay on the hospital bed, sweat drenched hair sticking to her forehead, and eyes drooping with exhaustion; yet an elated smile still shone on her face as she looked down at the tiny bundle that had been placed in her arms.

She still heard the jubilant cries of "It's a girl!" She still felt the swell of relief as she distinguished the wails of a newborn, after a heart stopping moment of silence. And yes, she still felt the tearing pain and the weariness deep in her bones, but for the first time, she didn't care.

After all, what price is pain to pay for the birth of a child? For bringing a new life into the world? Of course Valkyrie had felt love before, so many times... For friends, her parents, her baby sister, for Skulduggery, but it was nothing to what she felt now. There is no replicating the bond between a mother and her child, whether the connection is biological or just circumstantial. It is unbreakable, incorruptible, and woe betide anyone who tries to demolish that bond.

As with any other parent, Valkyrie could rock a baby to sleep, or bandage up their knee after an accident; but there was also another side to her... If needs be, she could take care of any threat to her family, like a mama bear safeguarding her cubs against a predator.

All these perceptions were what Valkyrie was feeling in those moments when she just couldn't tear her eyes away from her newborn's perfect face, blissfully peaceful in its slumber. Rose petal lips parted slightly to let air filter through, in a face that was ruddy and blotchy from the tears that came with the shock of suddenly being thrust out of her mother's womb. Yet this child was still a beautiful angel in the eyes of her parents.

A hand placed on Valkyrie's shoulder startled her out of her introspection. Looking up, she was met with the shining eyes of her beloved husband.

"Can... Can I hold her?" Skulduggery inquired uncertainly.

"Of course," Valkyrie's voice was hoarse after hours of screaming obscenities at anyone who came close enough- most often Skulduggery, who was there all the way. "She's your daughter too."

Slightly reluctantly, the new mother laboured to swap the baby from her own arms, into its father's adoring embrace; while still supporting the head and trying not to wake the child.

As soon as she was settled, Skulduggery whispered in an awed voice. "She's beautiful..."

"That'll be my genes then!" Valkyrie teased.

"Oh hush you; obviously my exquisite elegance has played a huge part in this." Skulduggery shot back. "On a more serious note, thank you, Valkyrie."

"Why? What for?"

Skulduggery sighed. "For this, all of it. Thank you for giving me a beautiful daughter, and giving me another chance. Another chance at life and another chance at raising a family. This really means everything to me, and I know that I will never be able to pay you back for what you have given me- but I won't be deterred. I will do my utmost to care for you and our daughter in any way I can; providing you with the things that you deserve, and protection, should you ever need it."

Skulduggery's eyes closed. "I know that I haven't always been the best of people; I have killed so many times that the line has been blurred for me. There is no longer a definition of good and bad, like black and white. Sometimes I question the actions of my past, while other times I feel completely justified. There are always so many shades of grey- and the anger, the hurt, inside of me screams for vengeance. So maybe I am a bad person, but since we first met, I've changed. Having someone to care for after decades of loneliness had convinced me that I needed to modify my outlook or there would be no chance that I could ever be happy. It was you, Valkyrie, that was everything good in me. It _is _you that keeps me going every day. You deserve someone who can provide your every whim, and I will strive to be that man, because without you I am nothing."

"Oh Skul," Valkyrie whimpered, tears streaming down her face like a trickling waterfall. "You _are _that man! Do you really think that I would settle for anything less? Sure, you're not perfect, but who in this world is? I'm certainly not. I could turn into a malevolent psychopath at the flick of a switch. I want you to always remember that I didn't just choose you because there was no one else around. I chose you because I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You'll make a wonderful father, just as you make a wonderful husband."

Valkyrie paused here, reaching out to take her partner's hand.

"And don't let anyone tell you differently."

* * *

**A/N: I am not overly keen with the way this ended, and I have a feeling that I have abused the comma key :S**

**However, I still hope you enjoyed reading it.**

**Please review because they mean the world, and suggestions for chapters that you want really help me write faster :)**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


	9. Time For Some Fun

**A/N: Hi! I'm back again. **

**First off, I'd like to say thankyou to everyone who has reviewed or favourited, especially Azura Fang whose incessant reviewing wore me down enough to write this ;)**

**Azura: Thankyou for all the compliments, I'm flattered *blush* As promised, here is your hug from my dear Leo! I agree that Skulbook is awesome and everyone should go and read it. Your reviews do, of course make me feel awesome! About my updating habits *grins sheepishly*, yeah, they're not too good... In fact, I have no structure at all, I just post a chapter as and when I have the inspiration to write it. I have to say, I wrote this just because I wanted that cookie that you promised me, and super long reviews make my day :)**

**Is that everything covered? Okay then, ta ta! **

**P.S. I am a girl, don't worry ;)**

**This chapter was (sort of) requested by 'Forever In Freefall'. Sorry that it's not funny, I just wasn't in that kind of mood, y'know what I mean?**

**Also, this was mostly written and posted while I was half asleep (including this author's note), so please forgive me for any mistakes you see.  
**

**Anyway, at last I say, enjoy the chapter my friends!**

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It was a beautiful summer's night; the air was clear and crisp, and there was not a sound to be heard but the rustling of leaves as a gentle breeze whispered through them. Stars glimmered in the sky like diamond dust strewn on a canvas of silken velvet. There were no clouds to obscure the majesty of the heavens; they were laid bare to strike awe into even the hardest of hearts. For what mortal could fail to question their significance in this tiny world when they looked upon constellation after constellation, a world that they would never, _could_ never understand?

In the penthouse of an apartment building, a woman stood, silhouetted against the backstreets of Dublin. The smell of cigarette smoke and blood lingered on the smooth black leather that clung to the curves of her body as she contemplated the cosmos. Not a mortal, but not a god. She drifted in a sort of limbo between the two absolutes, not quite fitting into either of the ideals.

Maybe she was superior to mortals in terms of strength and life span, but she could not truly _see._ She did not see the beauty of the night sky, only balls of burning gas. She did not understand the thrill that comes with thinking that there might something more out there, something more to this life that we all live. She did not feel the wonder of seeing a far away planet glow, or the hope of making a wish on a shooting star for the first time.

So on this perfect night, as she gazed out of the glass panelled wall, the woman thought of more material experiences; what she felt were the finer things in life. The burn of alcohol, a body moving in unison with hers, the look in the eyes of a victim as they took their last breath...

She smiled darkly at the last notion, knowing exactly what she was missing in the next room. She was always up for a little torture, but she couldn't hog it all to herself now, could she? She had to give someone else a chance every once in a while.

A long, drawn-out scream of agony sounded, until it faded and a loaded silence reigned again. Oh, the last cry was always so... satisfying. A door creaked open behind her, and seconds later she felt callused hands on her bare hips and a warm mouth at her neck. The young woman's eyes fluttered closed in pleasure, tilting her head to the side to allow easier access to her neck as skilled fingers ran up and down her body.

"Now, now, William," She whispered playfully. "Don't you go starting something that you can't finish! Remember we have an appointment now."

The reply came in a Southern accent. "Screw the 'appointment', Darlin', our guest can wait. I'm sure that he won't mind another night locked in the underground room."

A sigh. "Hmm, I suppose I can make an exception to my strict rules... just for you, sugar."

"Well then. Time for some fun?" Billy-Ray questioned, his voice husky with lust and anticipation.

"Always."

Tanith leaned backwards; black lips finally meeting pink as she fell into her lover's fervent, fiery embrace.

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**A/N: Soo... How was it? You guys know the drill by now, Please Review, and suggestions are welcome!**

**Amara Calla xoxoxoxoxoxoxo  
**


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